Am I an Agnostic, Atheist, Christian, or New Age fellow?

Hello and welcome to my blog. No one may ever read this and respond. I guess I hope someone does and it will turn out to be a stimulating, thought provoking debate. Otherwise it will serve me well as a way to step away from myself and digest this journey.

Here is the scoop on this blog:
I am a 41 year old religious mess. I was brought up to believe in God. We were luke warm Methodists during my childhood. We would go to the annual Homecoming service where my parents grew up and occasionally darken the local Church doors during the year.

As I got older- teens - we found a Methodist church and went quite regular. Pretty boring stuff. I remember taking the money I was going to put in the offering and buying cigarettes on the way to church. My parents hadn't a clue.

After I graduated high school my brother had made good friends with a good ole Bible thumping, hell fire southern Baptist. I guess that is an unfair description. He was/is a nice guy. Anyway, we went to a revival and sure enough my brother and I asked Jesus into our hearts and we became southern baptists much to the chagrin of our parents.

As the years rolled on I married, was shown the true way of salvation in the Church of Christ where I remain today. The Church of Christ is pretty strict, more so than the Baptists if you can believe that. After a period of time I was terrified to sin and not immediately ask for forgiveness in fear of dying and going to hell.

As you can imagine this was quite stressful as I had ADD and slight OCD and have a hard time praying. I was in constant terror. This was not the church's fault. I just interpreted a lot of their legalistic views in such a way that created this fear.


I would occasionally have doubts about God's existence or Jesus' resurrection and that would throw me into dark, abject fear. One day a light bulb came on and something clicked. In order for me to be the best Christian possible, I had to put these doubts and fears to bed so I decided not to take the word of my parents, preachers, and wife about the Bible being inerrant and the only way to heaven.

I decided to start over from square one. Do a total reboot. Find out what the truth about God is. If he is all powerful and desires for us to have a personal relationship with Him, then this should be a doable task. In this blog I will share with you my journey.

To start off with there will be several posts as I get you up to speed as to my current progress. I must admit that I am SHOCKED at what I am possibly discovering about the Bible, it's origins, inerrancy and believability. I have asked some tough questions about God, his "policies", and justness.

I pray almost daily to God that if he exists to show me the TRUTH about him and how to serve him whether it be through the Bible or other means. I do not wish to be brain-locked into one way of thinking simply because I like what I am feeding myself. I sincerely hope that if God does exist he will see my sincerity when I say I want to know ONLY the truth and know it beyond all doubt.

Thank you for joining me on this journey and I look forward to honest, hard, productive dialogue.

Sincerely,

What in H3ll am I